Hi
I can perfectly understand ur situation. Just to let u know that I am
also of mixed parentage. But I don't live in the country where I was
born... I was born in Fiji bred in India and Sg. Many of u talking abt
Chinese and Indian mix and am a Fiji and Indian mix. Me being a guy I
might not have the same feelings as u. I am here for sure not to hurt
anyone's feelings. But I believe God has given me the gift of taking
things as it is and lead my life single. If any one of u r hurt let me
apologize in this forum. k.

Do take care
Eddie Manuel



On 3/12/06, Sharon Ng <sharonng_1999@...> wrote:
> That's very easy to say but very hard to do, if it were that simple no one
> would even be talking about this... and this is something that happens the
> world over so its obviously a sore point for a lot of people. I appreciate
> your comments but again maybe its just me being sensitive but i find it very
> dismissive and that's not very nice. What you have said tries to trivialize
> my life, is that fair? I go through something i think is heartbreaking for
> me and am here to find out how others feel so i get help myself as a person
> to learn how to deal with situations like this which i go through ALOT...and
> u just brush it aside like i'm just making a big deal out of nothing. Well
> dear sir, its a big deal to me and if you think this just nothing to be
> bothered about, why are u on this board? If its so easy to just look at
> oneself and feel beautiful there would be no eating disorders, they would be
> no plastic surgeries, everyone would just be 'happy' with the way they are.
> But the fact is, we're not, we all want to belong and i'm just here to learn
> to deal. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, u're right...but what if the
> beholder doesn't find you make the cut? How does one deal with that??
> Especially if its your own family members.
>
>
> Edwin Manuel <eddiemanuel@...> wrote:
> Hi
>
> I am an Indian Race... There is nothing to be bothered about being
> dark or fair... Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Be happy about
> how u look like. Take care friends.
>
> Eddie Manuel
>
>
>
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>
>


--
Thanks and Regards
Edwin Manuel (Eddie)
Singapore
HP 91450617

Hi
I can perfectly understand ur situation. Just to let u know that I am
also of mixed parentage. But I don't live in the country where I was
born... I was born in Fiji bred in India and Sg. Many of u talking abt
Chinese and Indian mix and am a Fiji and Indian mix. Me being a guy I
might not have the same feelings as u. I am here for sure not to hurt
anyone's feelings. But I believe God has given me the gift of taking
things as it is and lead my life single. If any one of u r hurt let me
apologize in this forum. k.

Do take care
Eddie Manuel

You asked a great question - how to bring positive change to the
attitudes of those around us? You're right, we can complain all we
want here but we're just preaching to the choir.

I really don't have any 'great' ideas on how to go about this. Over
the years, I've 'confronted' some 'friends' and acquaintances over
disrespectful and prejudiced remarks. Now I am not at all a
confrontational person, and for me to speak up against something, it
would have to be quite egregious. I merely tried to tell people how
certain remarks were disrespectful and biased without resorting
to, "You#$%^&*! *()~!" In every case, the 'friendship' did not
survive that confrontation, that is, I'm no longer on talking terms
with those people. And you might be surprised - even a general,
impersonal discussion of racism without directing any accusations or
criticism at anyone in particular can be enough to alienate some
people.

But you know what, I have no regrets at all, even after many years,
about those people leaving my life (in fact, I'm much more happy
without them). If the friendship is so weak that 'it can't even take
one blow' (to use the Chinese expression) then it wasn't worth
keeping in the first place. And in one case, the person I
confronted, a mainland Chinese lady, reflected and changed her mind,
despite the fact we didn't bother to hang out as friends after that.
She got in touch to say she realized her prejudices and was sorry
about her attitude. But I cannot take credit for the change. The
reason for the change is because she talked to another person from
mainland China about her quarrel with me, and the guy said, "You
know, your friend is right that many of us Chinese despise dark-
skinned people while kissing up to Europeans." And he went into how
the colonial history of China created this unfortunate mentality.

So if I did not have support from this guy from China who had never
seen me and doesn't know me, all my talking may have come to
nothing, except to create resentment and strained relations. Anyway,
I think it helps to be not the only one speaking up, though many of
us will find ourselves in that position.

I can relate to your account of how your friend tried to turn things
on you. When in the US, I've called some other Asians on their
prejudices against dark-skinned people, only to be angrily attacked
by their white friends who said the prejudices of immigrant Asians
is understandable, and made it sound like I'm the one making trouble
for failing to tolerate open, overt prejudice.

With relatives it is much more difficult though because while we can
change our friends, we can't change our relatives. I actually don't
have many relatives in Singapore, which might be a blessing, or not,
I don't know ;-) But I think while we don't really have the power to
change anyone's beliefs (short of resorting to brainwashing
techniques) we do have a right to ask to be treated with the
consideration entitled to anyone (that is, theoretically, we can ask
that they refrain from remarks that obviously hurt other people's
feelings. How one might go about that, is another matter.)

A black American lady, who was in the process of adopting a child
from China, was talking about how her family spoke strongly against
the race of her child. So she decided that she would not spend time
with them,  and certainly will not allow them any contact with her
child in case they say something to hurt the child's feelings, at
least until they change their attitude. It seems much easier for
Americans to make that kind of break with family, being a more
individualistic society. I don't know if this kind of approach will
work in Singapore though. Any thoughts?

I do have more thoughts on the matter, but I've been longwinded
enough, so I'll clam up for now.


--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, Sharon
Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
>
> You're right, we are such a judgemental bunch we humans. And what
you  said about us probably finding something to diffentiate with
even if we  all were to be intergrated racially is probably
true...sad but true.  Whites do it to whites, black do it to blacks,
indians do it to indians  and chinese do it to chinese....so even if
we were all one race we  would still discriminate...we would find
something. And it started in  my own family too....and aren't they
the ones who teach us how the  world will treat us.... so maybe
that's why i am so sensitive about  this because my family says
these things so i assume everyone thinks  the same way. So where do
we go from here? We can talk about all the  evils of society till
out faces turn blue but aren't we apart of  society? So what can we
do to change this? I was thinking, if someone  had told the aunt
that was making the comment about my eyes or skin  color, if someone
had called her out on it instead of just keeping  quiet, would that
>  have made a difference? I don't know. It would have  helped,
knowing that not everyone felt that way when i was not old  enough
to process the situation..... so what can we do..... i really  want
to be part of the solution. I really feel we should stop someone
when they make such comments in front of children cause speaking
from  my own situation, as strong as we are as adults, it affects
kids very  adversely and they start to carry that with them for a
long time.....  how do u tell someone in a civil way without going
off the handle? I  have been on the other end too... when a friend
made a really nasty  joke about latinos... i was so repulsed and so
shocked, i just sat  there stone faced and he had no clue.... i may
not be latino but i get  mistaken for one.... that's another thing
when people make these  comments....  they assume just because i am
asian i would be okay  if they talked negatively about some other
race, they don't know if i  might have latino family members or a
>  black boyfriend, they just shoot  their mouths off and have no
clue how they hurt people.... sometimes i  think is it even worth
it? i confronted a friend once and she was like  everything thinks
it and tried to turn it on me...she didn't get it at  all, no one
thought like her, everyone sitting around her was  appalled....
there was like a silent gasp when she made her comments  and she was
totally oblivious. so my question is.. if they just don't  get it
even if you brought it up, what's the point? how do we deal with
this?and if they're in my family??? i am asian, both the indian and
chinese side have very strong views on respecting your elders....so
how  do we go about telling these people in a polite civil way that
its  wrong? I am the least argumental person ever so its really hard
to try  to find a middle ground in these situations, especially with
family.
>
>   As you guys can see, i am just trying to figure this all out
myself,  its all so confusing sometimes..... maybe because how i
feel inside  doesn't correlate with reality. I know there must be
other people who  feel this way too if there are people on this
board who feel the way i  do. I mean my parents married each other
in spite of it all so there  must be some hope. There must be people
who are not inter-racial who  feel this way. I don't know, i don't
have any answers... i just want to  know how to deal with it all.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Mail
> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail  makes sharing a breeze.
>

You asked a great question - how to bring positive change to the
attitudes of those around us? You're right, we can complain all we
want here but we're just preaching to the choir.

I really don't have any 'great' ideas on how to go about this. Over
the years, I've 'confronted' some 'friends' and acquaintances over
disrespectful and prejudiced remarks. Now I am not at all a
confrontational person, and for me to speak up against something, it
would have to be quite egregious. I merely tried to tell people how
certain remarks were disrespectful and biased without resorting
to, "You#$%^&*! *()~!" In every case, the 'friendship' did not
survive that confrontation, that is, I'm no longer on talking terms
with those people. And you might be surprised - even a general,
impersonal discussion of racism without directing any accusations or
criticism at anyone in particular can be enough to alienate some
people.

But you know what, I have no regrets at all, even after many years,
about those people leaving my life (in fact, I'm much more happy
without them). If the friendship is so weak that 'it can't even take
one blow' (to use the Chinese expression) then it wasn't worth
keeping in the first place. And in one case, the person I
confronted, a mainland Chinese lady, reflected and changed her mind,
despite the fact we didn't bother to hang out as friends after that.
She got in touch to say she realized her prejudices and was sorry
about her attitude. But I cannot take credit for the change. The
reason for the change is because she talked to another person from
mainland China about her quarrel with me, and the guy said, "You
know, your friend is right that many of us Chinese despise dark-
skinned people while kissing up to Europeans." And he went into how
the colonial history of China created this unfortunate mentality.

So if I did not have support from this guy from China who had never
seen me and doesn't know me, all my talking may have come to
nothing, except to create resentment and strained relations. Anyway,
I think it helps to be not the only one speaking up, though many of
us will find ourselves in that position.

I can relate to your account of how your friend tried to turn things
on you. When in the US, I've called some other Asians on their
prejudices against dark-skinned people, only to be angrily attacked
by their white friends who said the prejudices of immigrant Asians
is understandable, and made it sound like I'm the one making trouble
for failing to tolerate open, overt prejudice.

With relatives it is much more difficult though because while we can
change our friends, we can't change our relatives. I actually don't
have many relatives in Singapore, which might be a blessing, or not,
I don't know ;-) But I think while we don't really have the power to
change anyone's beliefs (short of resorting to brainwashing
techniques) we do have a right to ask to be treated with the
consideration entitled to anyone (that is, theoretically, we can ask
that they refrain from remarks that obviously hurt other people's
feelings. How one might go about that, is another matter.)

A black American lady, who was in the process of adopting a child
from China, was talking about how her family spoke strongly against
the race of her child. So she decided that she would not spend time
with them,  and certainly will not allow them any contact with her
child in case they say something to hurt the child's feelings, at
least until they change their attitude. It seems much easier for
Americans to make that kind of break with family, being a more
individualistic society. I don't know if this kind of approach will
work in Singapore though. Any thoughts?

I do have more thoughts on the matter, but I've been longwinded
enough, so I'll clam up for now.


--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, Sharon
Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
>
> You're right, we are such a judgemental bunch we humans. And what
you  said about us probably finding something to diffentiate with
even if we  all were to be intergrated racially is probably
true...sad but true.  Whites do it to whites, black do it to blacks,
indians do it to indians  and chinese do it to chinese....so even if
we were all one race we  would still discriminate...we would find
something. And it started in  my own family too....and aren't they
the ones who teach us how the  world will treat us.... so maybe
that's why i am so sensitive about  this because my family says
these things so i assume everyone thinks  the same way. So where do
we go from here? We can talk about all the  evils of society till
out faces turn blue but aren't we apart of  society? So what can we
do to change this? I was thinking, if someone  had told the aunt
that was making the comment about my eyes or skin  color, if someone
had called her out on it instead of just keeping  quiet, would that
>  have made a difference? I don't know. It would have  helped,
knowing that not everyone felt that way when i was not old  enough
to process the situation..... so what can we do..... i really  want
to be part of the solution. I really feel we should stop someone 
when they make such comments in front of children cause speaking
from  my own situation, as strong as we are as adults, it affects
kids very  adversely and they start to carry that with them for a
long time.....  how do u tell someone in a civil way without going
off the handle? I  have been on the other end too... when a friend
made a really nasty  joke about latinos... i was so repulsed and so
shocked, i just sat  there stone faced and he had no clue.... i may
not be latino but i get  mistaken for one.... that's another thing
when people make these  comments....  they assume just because i am
asian i would be okay  if they talked negatively about some other
race, they don't know if i  might have latino family members or a
>  black boyfriend, they just shoot  their mouths off and have no
clue how they hurt people.... sometimes i  think is it even worth
it? i confronted a friend once and she was like  everything thinks
it and tried to turn it on me...she didn't get it at  all, no one
thought like her, everyone sitting around her was  appalled....
there was like a silent gasp when she made her comments  and she was
totally oblivious. so my question is.. if they just don't  get it
even if you brought it up, what's the point? how do we deal with 
this?and if they're in my family??? i am asian, both the indian and 
chinese side have very strong views on respecting your elders....so
how  do we go about telling these people in a polite civil way that
its  wrong? I am the least argumental person ever so its really hard
to try  to find a middle ground in these situations, especially with
family.
>  
>   As you guys can see, i am just trying to figure this all out
myself,  its all so confusing sometimes..... maybe because how i
feel inside  doesn't correlate with reality. I know there must be
other people who  feel this way too if there are people on this
board who feel the way i  do. I mean my parents married each other
in spite of it all so there  must be some hope. There must be people
who are not inter-racial who  feel this way. I don't know, i don't
have any answers... i just want to  know how to deal with it all.
>
>            
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Mail
> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail  makes sharing a breeze.
>

Wow, Sharon. You have chosen the high road, which is a hard one, and
since I don't know you in person, I can only guess it is your strong
faith that gives you strength.

I've been thinking of what individuals could do to impact the social
environment.  I agree with you that rebuking biased people won't
change what they think. But the question is, (not just to Sharon but
to everyone here) is it worthwhile influencing what people do, even
if we can't influence what they think?  For example, in the case of
store employees, civil servants or schoolmates making bigoted
comments, a complaint could be raised to their superiors, and very
often a rebuke would be handed down, and their behavior censured.
More often than not, I've had positive responses to my complaints
about rude or inappropriate behavior (not necessarily race-related) -
  businesses and organizations, after all, want to stay clear of bad
public opinion, or less cynically, might actually be interested in
providing a good customer/visitor experience.

Of course, the people rebuked by their superiors will probably not
change their attitude, but at least they will be more careful about
exhibiting their bigotry openly. Is that a good thing?

Yes, if it means fewer people are going to get hurt by unkind
remarks down the road, and fewer children will be influenced by such
views being openly expressed, if racial discrimination
becomes 'uncool', and we become a more 'civil' society as far as
superficial communications is concerned.

No, if it means this only sweeps the problem under the rug and makes
it harder for people to identify actual bigots. For example, I've
been backstabbed before by people who say all the politically
correct things, and then turn out to be closet bigots. If they had
been openly prejudiced, I'd have stayed clear of them.

I'm still inclined to think the benefits of the former outweighs the
negative effects of the latter, though.

On a more constructive note, here are a couple of examples of people
I know who channelled their frustration at the bigotry they
encounter into action which they think may create change.

Z, a European-American lady teaching English in Japan, constantly
encountered prejudices against blacks in the form of Japanese
associates asking her about black crime in America, and going gaa-
gaa over white people while looking down on black people in general.
Although she was not the target of this discrimination, Z was
strongly bothered by it, and started working discussions on
prejudice into the English classes she taught. For example, she
would show a picture of a wedding between a African American man and
a Japanese woman surrounded by family. The Japanese woman's
grandmother was not in the picture because she disapproved of the
bridegroom. Students would be encouraged to discuss the situation.

X, an artist, made it a point to present beautiful images of dark-
skinned people, despite negative audience feedback such as, "If you
made the people in your pictures lighter-skinned, I'd buy your
work." or "I'd commission a piece from you, but please don't paint
Indians."

How much impact can two individuals really have, and can they
(especially in the case of the artist) make a living if they choose
to go against popular public opinion? I don't know. But they are
doing what gives them hope that perhaps the world would just be a
little better for their trying. The other choice - doing nothing,
would mean sinking into despair and depression, as one of them told
me.

I was thinking, people here have shared such interesting and
impactful stories. Maybe people could write a book drawing on their
own experience (autobiographies might be a little touchy as it might
involve commentary on family, but perhaps a fictionalized account?)

Or if there is someone in the press here, perhaps doing some
coverage on the issues that our members here had to face, with
regards to interracial dating, or being of mixed heritage?  I think
the Sunday Times did an article on the alleged prejudices that
African expats in Singapore encountered, as well as local
perceptions of African expats a while back.  At any rate, if stories
like Sharon's were more known to the general public, it might raise
awareness.

I think we actually have more allies than might be apparent, and if
more of them become aware of the pain others face, more of them will
be willing to take some form of action, however small. I recall
being told of an incident in which a Chinese language teacher in a
JC passed a bigoted remark about Indians during class, and the
entire Chinese class was outraged at her. The problem is, many good
people just feel outraged and then do nothing. But if they actually
know first hand that someone is deeply hurt by such remarks, then it
might goad some people to action.

Just my 2 cts.

--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, Sharon
Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
>
> Yes you're right, its hard not to just feel like lashig out at
these  people, its so hard to try to be civil and its so hard to
just walk  away. I remember an incident when i was in JC, i was just
sitting with  a good friend of mine and we were just chatting and
laughing, these two  girls sitting close to us kept staring and then
the one girl made a  really nasty comment about my color, my friend
is north indian so she's  really fair. My friend was so shocked, she
turned around and made a  really nasty comment right back. I grabbed
her hand and and went to sit  elsewhere. She asked me why i just
take it, she's asked why i didn't  fight back. And i told her
because i am not like them, because i am not  going to stoop to that
level and because God is watching. But it is  still so hard and it
really hurts but i always just walk away. It would  be so easy to
say something back, hurt them back, but what would that  solve?
They're not going to change their minds, it'll just give them  more
>  ammunition. I grew up watching my parents go through that,
people  giving them nasty stares, making nasty comments...and all
they did was  love each other. They always turned the other cheek
too....so that's  what i do.
>
>   I especially find offensive the people who go around saying that
they  could never date a chinese or an indian or a jew or whatever
cause  their parents would not approve. I mean come on...... if
you're racist  at least just admit it, don't go blame your parents.
Both my parents  come from pretty racist families but they're not
racist, so please,  give me a break. Its just such a cop out and it
really shows their  character. My parents are both still very
respectful to their parents  even though both my grandmothers are
constantly trying to break them  up. That's another thing i find
funny, my familly has got divorces on  both sides, my chinese uncle
used to drink a lot and would get violent  to my aunt and my indian
side had an uncle who was very abusive... and  my sister and i are
just baffled... these people are constantly trying  to break up my
parents who have been happily married for over 30 years  when we
have people in our family that are married to the same race and  are
>  just miserable... like do they even see how stupid this is???
>
>   I don't know the answers either but i do know two wrongs don't
make a  right. And I also distance myself from people who are
prejudiced, i  can't help it, i find it so offensive, even if its
not to me, its still  bigotry and someone gets hurt... i just don't
want to be a part of  that. I'd rather be the one hurting and die
with a clear conscience  than join in and be a part of that. Words
are really powerful, whatever  language we speak and it doesn't
matter if no one hears us, once we let  those words out, we can't
take them back so why not just say nice  things? What's so difficult
about that?
>
> baihe_wan <baihe_wan@y...> wrote:          You asked a great
question - how to bring positive change to the
>   attitudes of those around us? You're right, we can complain all
we
>   want here but we're just preaching to the choir.
>
>   I really don't have any 'great' ideas on how to go about this.
Over
>   the years, I've 'confronted' some 'friends' and acquaintances
over
>   disrespectful and prejudiced remarks. Now I am not at all a
>   confrontational person, and for me to speak up against
something, it
>   would have to be quite egregious. I merely tried to tell people
how
>   certain remarks were disrespectful and biased without resorting
>   to, "You#$%^&*! *()~!" In every case, the 'friendship' did not
>   survive that confrontation, that is, I'm no longer on talking
terms
>   with those people. And you might be surprised - even a general,
>   impersonal discussion of racism without directing any
accusations or
>   criticism at anyone in particular can be enough to alienate some
>   people.
>
>   But you know what, I have no regrets at all, even after many
years,
>   about those people leaving my life (in fact, I'm much more happy
>   without them). If the friendship is so weak that 'it can't even
take
>   one blow' (to use the Chinese expression) then it wasn't worth
>   keeping in the first place. And in one case, the person I
>   confronted, a mainland Chinese lady, reflected and changed her
mind,
>   despite the fact we didn't bother to hang out as friends after
that.
>   She got in touch to say she realized her prejudices and was
sorry
>   about her attitude. But I cannot take credit for the change. The
>   reason for the change is because she talked to another person
from
>   mainland China about her quarrel with me, and the guy said, "You
>   know, your friend is right that many of us Chinese despise dark-
>   skinned people while kissing up to Europeans." And he went into
how
>   the colonial history of China created this unfortunate mentality.
>
>   So if I did not have support from this guy from China who had
never
>   seen me and doesn't know me, all my talking may have come to
>   nothing, except to create resentment and strained relations.
Anyway,
>   I think it helps to be not the only one speaking up, though many
of
>   us will find ourselves in that position.
>
>   I can relate to your account of how your friend tried to turn
things
>   on you. When in the US, I've called some other Asians on their
>   prejudices against dark-skinned people, only to be angrily
attacked
>   by their white friends who said the prejudices of immigrant
Asians
>   is understandable, and made it sound like I'm the one making
trouble
>   for failing to tolerate open, overt prejudice.
>
>   With relatives it is much more difficult though because while we
can
>   change our friends, we can't change our relatives. I actually
don't
>   have many relatives in Singapore, which might be a blessing, or
not,
>   I don't know ;-) But I think while we don't really have the
power to
>   change anyone's beliefs (short of resorting to brainwashing
>   techniques) we do have a right to ask to be treated with the
>   consideration entitled to anyone (that is, theoretically, we can
ask
>   that they refrain from remarks that obviously hurt other
people's
>   feelings. How one might go about that, is another matter.)
>
>   A black American lady, who was in the process of adopting a
child
>   from China, was talking about how her family spoke strongly
against
>   the race of her child. So she decided that she would not spend
time
>   with them,  and certainly will not allow them any contact with
her
>   child in case they say something to hurt the child's feelings,
at
>   least until they change their attitude. It seems much easier for
>   Americans to make that kind of break with family, being a more
>   individualistic society. I don't know if this kind of approach
will
>   work in Singapore though. Any thoughts?
>
>   I do have more thoughts on the matter, but I've been longwinded
>   enough, so I'll clam up for now.
>
>
>   --- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com,
Sharon
>   Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
>   >
>   > You're right, we are such a judgemental bunch we humans. And
what
>   you  said about us probably finding something to diffentiate
with
>   even if we  all were to be intergrated racially is probably
>   true...sad but true.  Whites do it to whites, black do it to
blacks,
>   indians do it to indians  and chinese do it to chinese....so
even if
>   we were all one race we  would still discriminate...we would
find
>   something. And it started in  my own family too....and aren't
they
>   the ones who teach us how the  world will treat us.... so maybe
>   that's why i am so sensitive about  this because my family says
>   these things so i assume everyone thinks  the same way. So where
do
>   we go from here? We can talk about all the  evils of society
till
>   out faces turn blue but aren't we apart of  society? So what can
we
>   do to change this? I was thinking, if someone  had told the aunt
>   that was making the comment about my eyes or skin  color, if
someone
>   had called her out on it instead of just keeping  quiet, would
that
>   >  have made a difference? I don't know. It would have  helped,
>   knowing that not everyone felt that way when i was not old
enough
>   to process the situation..... so what can we do..... i really
want
>   to be part of the solution. I really feel we should stop
someone
>   when they make such comments in front of children cause speaking
>   from  my own situation, as strong as we are as adults, it
affects
>   kids very  adversely and they start to carry that with them for
a
>   long time.....  how do u tell someone in a civil way without
going
>   off the handle? I  have been on the other end too... when a
friend
>   made a really nasty  joke about latinos... i was so repulsed and
so
>   shocked, i just sat  there stone faced and he had no clue.... i
may
>   not be latino but i get  mistaken for one.... that's another
thing
>   when people make these  comments....  they assume just because i
am
>   asian i would be okay  if they talked negatively about some
other
>   race, they don't know if i  might have latino family members or a
>   >  black boyfriend, they just shoot  their mouths off and have
no
>   clue how they hurt people.... sometimes i  think is it even
worth
>   it? i confronted a friend once and she was like  everything
thinks
>   it and tried to turn it on me...she didn't get it at  all, no
one
>   thought like her, everyone sitting around her was  appalled....
>   there was like a silent gasp when she made her comments  and she
was
>   totally oblivious. so my question is.. if they just don't  get
it
>   even if you brought it up, what's the point? how do we deal
with
>   this?and if they're in my family??? i am asian, both the indian
and
>   chinese side have very strong views on respecting your
elders....so
>   how  do we go about telling these people in a polite civil way
that
>   its  wrong? I am the least argumental person ever so its really
hard
>   to try  to find a middle ground in these situations, especially
with
>   family.
>   >
>   >   As you guys can see, i am just trying to figure this all out
>   myself,  its all so confusing sometimes..... maybe because how i
>   feel inside  doesn't correlate with reality. I know there must
be
>   other people who  feel this way too if there are people on this
>   board who feel the way i  do. I mean my parents married each
other
>   in spite of it all so there  must be some hope. There must be
people
>   who are not inter-racial who  feel this way. I don't know, i
don't
>   have any answers... i just want to  know how to deal with it all.
>   >
>   >
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Wow, Sharon. You have chosen the high road, which is a hard one, and
since I don't know you in person, I can only guess it is your strong
faith that gives you strength.

I've been thinking of what individuals could do to impact the social
environment.  I agree with you that rebuking biased people won't
change what they think. But the question is, (not just to Sharon but
to everyone here) is it worthwhile influencing what people do, even
if we can't influence what they think?  For example, in the case of
store employees, civil servants or schoolmates making bigoted
comments, a complaint could be raised to their superiors, and very
often a rebuke would be handed down, and their behavior censured.
More often than not, I've had positive responses to my complaints
about rude or inappropriate behavior (not necessarily race-related) -
businesses and organizations, after all, want to stay clear of bad
public opinion, or less cynically, might actually be interested in
providing a good customer/visitor experience.

Of course, the people rebuked by their superiors will probably not
change their attitude, but at least they will be more careful about
exhibiting their bigotry openly. Is that a good thing?

Yes, if it means fewer people are going to get hurt by unkind
remarks down the road, and fewer children will be influenced by such
views being openly expressed, if racial discrimination
becomes 'uncool', and we become a more 'civil' society as far as
superficial communications is concerned.

No, if it means this only sweeps the problem under the rug and makes
it harder for people to identify actual bigots. For example, I've
been backstabbed before by people who say all the politically
correct things, and then turn out to be closet bigots. If they had
been openly prejudiced, I'd have stayed clear of them.

I'm still inclined to think the benefits of the former outweighs the
negative effects of the latter, though.

On a more constructive note, here are a couple of examples of people
I know who channelled their frustration at the bigotry they
encounter into action which they think may create change.

Z, a European-American lady teaching English in Japan, constantly
encountered prejudices against blacks in the form of Japanese
associates asking her about black crime in America, and going gaa-
gaa over white people while looking down on black people in general.
Although she was not the target of this discrimination, Z was
strongly bothered by it, and started working discussions on
prejudice into the English classes she taught. For example, she
would show a picture of a wedding between a African American man and
a Japanese woman surrounded by family. The Japanese woman's
grandmother was not in the picture because she disapproved of the
bridegroom. Students would be encouraged to discuss the situation.

X, an artist, made it a point to present beautiful images of dark-
skinned people, despite negative audience feedback such as, "If you
made the people in your pictures lighter-skinned, I'd buy your
work." or "I'd commission a piece from you, but please don't paint
Indians."

How much impact can two individuals really have, and can they
(especially in the case of the artist) make a living if they choose
to go against popular public opinion? I don't know. But they are
doing what gives them hope that perhaps the world would just be a
little better for their trying. The other choice - doing nothing,
would mean sinking into despair and depression, as one of them told
me.

I was thinking, people here have shared such interesting and
impactful stories. Maybe people could write a book drawing on their
own experience (autobiographies might be a little touchy as it might
involve commentary on family, but perhaps a fictionalized account?)

Or if there is someone in the press here, perhaps doing some
coverage on the issues that our members here had to face, with
regards to interracial dating, or being of mixed heritage?  I think
the Sunday Times did an article on the alleged prejudices that
African expats in Singapore encountered, as well as local
perceptions of African expats a while back.  At any rate, if stories
like Sharon's were more known to the general public, it might raise
awareness.

I think we actually have more allies than might be apparent, and if
more of them become aware of the pain others face, more of them will
be willing to take some form of action, however small. I recall
being told of an incident in which a Chinese language teacher in a
JC passed a bigoted remark about Indians during class, and the
entire Chinese class was outraged at her. The problem is, many good
people just feel outraged and then do nothing. But if they actually
know first hand that someone is deeply hurt by such remarks, then it
might goad some people to action.

Just my 2 cts.

Hi Edwin, welcome to the group. Perhaps, if you feel inclined, you
can share with us your experience growing up Indian and Fijian in
India and Singapore. Most of the stories shared here so far, as you
noted, are from Indian/Chinese couples/individuals. I, for one,
won't mind getting different perspectives from other mixes.

--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Edwin
Manuel" <eddiemanuel@g...> wrote:
>
> Hi
> I can perfectly understand ur situation. Just to let u know that I
am
> also of mixed parentage. But I don't live in the country where I
was
> born... I was born in Fiji bred in India and Sg. Many of u talking
abt
> Chinese and Indian mix and am a Fiji and Indian mix. Me being a
guy I
> might not have the same feelings as u. I am here for sure not to
hurt
> anyone's feelings. But I believe God has given me the gift of
taking
> things as it is and lead my life single. If any one of u r hurt
let me
> apologize in this forum. k.
>
> Do take care
> Eddie Manuel
>
>
>
> On 3/12/06, Sharon Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
> > That's very easy to say but very hard to do, if it were that
simple no one
> > would even be talking about this... and this is something that
happens the
> > world over so its obviously a sore point for a lot of people. I
appreciate
> > your comments but again maybe its just me being sensitive but i
find it very
> > dismissive and that's not very nice. What you have said tries to
trivialize
> > my life, is that fair? I go through something i think is
heartbreaking for
> > me and am here to find out how others feel so i get help myself
as a person
> > to learn how to deal with situations like this which i go
through ALOT...and
> > u just brush it aside like i'm just making a big deal out of
nothing. Well
> > dear sir, its a big deal to me and if you think this just
nothing to be
> > bothered about, why are u on this board? If its so easy to just
look at
> > oneself and feel beautiful there would be no eating disorders,
they would be
> > no plastic surgeries, everyone would just be 'happy' with the
way they are.
> > But the fact is, we're not, we all want to belong and i'm just
here to learn
> > to deal. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, u're right...but
what if the
> > beholder doesn't find you make the cut? How does one deal with
that??
> > Especially if its your own family members.
> >
> >
> > Edwin Manuel <eddiemanuel@g...> wrote:
> > Hi
> >
> > I am an Indian Race... There is nothing to be bothered about
being
> > dark or fair... Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Be happy
about
> > how u look like. Take care friends.
> >
> > Eddie Manuel
> >
> >
> >
> > __________________________________________________
> > Do You Yahoo!?
> > Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> > http://mail.yahoo.com
> >
> > ________________________________
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> > To visit your group on the web, go to:
> >
http://asia.groups.yahoo.com/group/SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamil
ies/
> >
> > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> > SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> --
> Thanks and Regards
> Edwin Manuel (Eddie)
> Singapore
> HP 91450617
>

Thx for sharing your experience with those people who said bad
things about you in Chinese thinking you did not understand. You
have been very gracious in not responding to them, though I'll bet
that if you did reply to them in Chinese, even a non-confrontational
statement like "Oh, is that so?" they would be most mortified and
embarrassed because they would have been taken by surprise and what
they thought was secret has been exposed. You are the one with more
power than them in such situations, and it is only because you are
kind and magnanimous that you did not choose to exercise this power.

I'm not saying you should have done things differently or change
your response. Everyone has to find the right way for themselves.
But anyway, here are a couple of stories I've heard about people in
similar situations:

Story 1:
This was told by a friend who worked at the income tax office. A
Malay woman had come to the office to ask questions. The Chinese
women who handled the questions had this Chinese conversation among
themselves, "What a stupid person to ask such simple questions."
The Malay woman, however, had learnt Chinese before, so she
confronted them and complained. Their supervisor came out to
apologize. Anyway, my friend's mother, after hearing the story,
said, "Well, lesson learnt. You never know who is listening."  I'll
bet those two women, and any of their colleagues who knew of the
incident, will be very careful about saying something bad about
someone within earshot, in whatever language, again.

Story 2: This story is from a black American woman from another
yahoo group, and again, the persons caught talking bad about someone
whom they thought did not understand, were the ones who had to run
and hide.

"No matter where I go in Georgia, I always get a bad reaction from
Koreans,and a better reaction from the Vietnamese and Chinese. When
I go to a Korean beauty supply or restaurant I never want to return,
however I have Vietnamese friends that are closer than my own
relatives...I COME WELL -DRESSED and mannered. However the Korens
talk about me and follow me around until I leave, and when they find
out that I am fluent in Korean they hide.I went to church with my
Korean friend,and they asked ... my friend why is that black
creature here, and I told them in Korean 'everyone is welcome in the
house of God.'"

--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, Sharon
Ng <sharonng_1999@y...> wrote:
> ... I first went to a new school and was waiting at the bus stop
after  school and a couple of chinese girls came up to me and said
to my face  in mandarin (which i speak and understand) 'did her
father get burnt in  a fire or something' and just bust out
laughing. They thought i was  Malay and didn't know i spoke chinese,
i looked at her and just played  along.... i asked her what was so
funny and she went 'oh nothing'  looked at her friend and bust out
laughing again.
>
>   I was buying make-up as a teenager and this lady came right up
to my  face and said to the salesgirl in Chinese 'ewww why so dark'
all this  with a smile on her face while she was looking directly at
me because  again she had no idea i spoke chinese. I just smiled
back and left.
>
>   This is just a few incidents i had to go through, there are many
more  unfotunately, there a lot of times i wish i didn't speak
anything but  english so i wouldn't get hurt all the time...

hi guys/girls.

there is nothing to worry abt mixed race ppl... i see lot of ;ppl here
are talking abt their experiences faced against the racists..

nothing to worry abt.. just be confident in the public and show to
them that u r unique and stand out from the crowd..

the skin colour doesnt make much difference. u can live with one as
long as u care for each other.. and most of all, the mixed race couple
live more happy as they learn more from each other after they married...

there are lot of couples who are not loyal and talk abt all the
bullshits abt others. dont worry abt it all..

for the kids and teens, this is my message. dont feel less rewarded. u
hv the beautiful parents and follow the race and religion which u like..

i met this chinese girl in london, and we 2 are more happy abt our
destiny...

happy to know u all...

Dear Sharon,
I symphathise with your situation. For myself, I am Indian-Eurasian
and Chinese. I look Eurasian-Malay or Chindian depending on how i
dress and apply make-up etc. Life sometimes is really confusing for
me too. I have many good friends, mostly Chinese (cos mandarin was
my second language) and Indian, but not many will probably
understand what it's like to be mixed.In my own experience, i think
i get snubbed a lot more than regular people - or am more affecetd
by this perhaps. Some people can be mean or just exclude you just
because. Maybe they are very bored individuals whom love to gossip
and be malicious just to pass their time. In the eyes of our
heavenly Maker,He must be very pleased that you have held own to ur
beliefs- that everyone should be treated with respect no matter
what. While your cross is heavy,always remain positive and happy!
God bless you!
Victoria
   --- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com,
Sharon Ng <sharonng_1999@...> wrote:
>
> Apology accepted :). I think its difficult for people to
understand  unless they've lived in the shoes of someone who has
been discriminated  against their whole lives. It is very hard for
me to talk about to it  anyone, i really wish i could talk to my
lovely parents but they'd just  feel responsible and its not their
fault and my sister feels my pain  but she doesn't go through the
same things i do. So i'll tell everyone  here some of the things
i've had to put up with.
>
>   I took Malay in school because my parents thought it would be
fair and  i live in a country surrounded by Malay speaking countries
so they  thought it was best. First day of class my Malay Cikgu
yelled at me for  sitting in the front and made me sit in at the
back of the class and  said 'makan babi punya orang' which means
person who eats pork. None of  the Malay kids talked to me after
that. I was so confused....I WAS 6!!
>
>   I first went to a new school and was waiting at the bus stop
after  school and a couple of chinese girls came up to me and said
to my face  in mandarin (which i speak and understand) 'did her
father get burnt in  a fire or something' and just bust out
laughing. They thought i was  Malay and didn't know i spoke chinese,
i looked at her and just played  along.... i asked her what was so
funny and she went 'oh nothing'  looked at her friend and bust out
laughing again.
>
>   I was buying make-up as a teenager and this lady came right up
to my  face and said to the salesgirl in Chinese 'ewww why so dark'
all this  with a smile on her face while she was looking directly at
me because  again she had no idea i spoke chinese. I just smiled
back and left.
>
>   This is just a few incidents i had to go through, there are many
more  unfotunately, there a lot of times i wish i didn't speak
anything but  english so i wouldn't get hurt all the time. If i say
anything positive  about Indians... its but you're not really
indian, if i say something  nice about chinese..i'm not really
chinese. There are people who say i  look Nepalese or Bhutanese... i
wish i were born there... but i wasn't.  I just don't undestand why
some people are so cruel. They say the  meanest things and then just
go on with their lives and i carry this  with me. Its sooooo hard.
everytime i think i am okay with it, that i'm  over it someone else
will say something callous and everything comes  rushing back. I
just don't know how to deal with this, that's why i am  here, i am
hoping someone else knows what i am going though and can  just help
me, just shed some light, help me understand why people are  so
cruel and mean. I haven't done anything to deserve this but be alive
>  in this world. Its like they have this insatiable need to put me
in my  place. Why do i feel so persecuted? Why do i suffer for
someone else's  shallowness? Why do i feel like i have the weight of
the world on my  shoulders? I just want to know how to deal and how
i can stop this from  happening to anyone else...regardless of who
they are because its just  wrong, plain and simple. And no one
should have to go through  this...  but how can i help anyone when i
am so tormented myself.  So i just want to learn how to get through
this without carrying this  burden around with me. It affects
everything i do, how i view the  world, how i interact with people
and it shouldn't. I make a point to  look at everyone as an
individual and to treat them as such and i wish  i were given the
same courtesy.I want to get over this, i am tired of  carrying this
with me and maybe if i can find a way, i can be of help  to someone
else who feels like they don't fit in anywhere. I just want  to let
this
>  all go and just be able to be myself.... to just live and  let
live.
>
>
> Edwin Manuel <eddiemanuel@...> wrote:          Hi
>   I can perfectly understand ur situation. Just to let u know that
I am
>   also of mixed parentage. But I don't live in the country where I
was
>   born... I was born in Fiji bred in India and Sg. Many of u
talking abt
>   Chinese and Indian mix and am a Fiji and Indian mix. Me being a
guy I
>   might not have the same feelings as u. I am here for sure not to
hurt
>   anyone's feelings. But I believe God has given me the gift of
taking
>   things as it is and lead my life single. If any one of u r hurt
let me
>   apologize in this forum. k.
>
>   Do take care
>   Eddie Manuel
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Mail
> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail  makes sharing a breeze.
>

Hi Guys,

I read ur articles here and felt sad. I am an indian.
I thought Eurasians are treated very nicely here in
Singapore, but only to know that there are many cruel
people here. I thought many of them do not wanna make
friends with me too, but there are some people who are
also going through what I am going through. I guess u
guys rock and have a beautiful heart. Looks can be
deceiving, it is the heart that matters. So far, I
never had any good Eurasian friend in my life. I wish
to have one now. If any of you out there wish to be my
friend, in sadness and happiness for life, despite ur
or my looks, do write to me. I wish to see ur heart.
Not ur looks. I wish to there in most of the times.
Let us support each other and make each other happy
and live life to the fullest with god's blessings. I
hope u do not mind as I am a hindu girl from
Singapore.

Regards,
Shree
--- victoria <groovy_vick@...> wrote:

> Dear Sharon,
> I symphathise with your situation. For myself, I am
> Indian-Eurasian
> and Chinese. I look Eurasian-Malay or Chindian
> depending on how i
> dress and apply make-up etc. Life sometimes is
> really confusing for
> me too. I have many good friends, mostly Chinese
> (cos mandarin was
> my second language) and Indian, but not many will
> probably
> understand what it's like to be mixed.In my own
> experience, i think
> i get snubbed a lot more than regular people - or am
> more affecetd
> by this perhaps. Some people can be mean or just
> exclude you just
> because. Maybe they are very bored individuals whom
> love to gossip
> and be malicious just to pass their time. In the
> eyes of our
> heavenly Maker,He must be very pleased that you have
> held own to ur
> beliefs- that everyone should be treated with
> respect no matter
> what. While your cross is heavy,always remain
> positive and happy!
> God bless you!
> Victoria
>   --- In
>
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com,
>
> Sharon Ng <sharonng_1999@...> wrote:
> >
> > Apology accepted :). I think its difficult for
> people to
> understand  unless they've lived in the shoes of
> someone who has
> been discriminated  against their whole lives. It is
> very hard for
> me to talk about to it  anyone, i really wish i
> could talk to my
> lovely parents but they'd just  feel responsible and
> its not their
> fault and my sister feels my pain  but she doesn't
> go through the
> same things i do. So i'll tell everyone  here some
> of the things
> i've had to put up with.
> >
> >   I took Malay in school because my parents
> thought it would be
> fair and  i live in a country surrounded by Malay
> speaking countries
> so they  thought it was best. First day of class my
> Malay Cikgu
> yelled at me for  sitting in the front and made me
> sit in at the
> back of the class and  said 'makan babi punya orang'
> which means
> person who eats pork. None of  the Malay kids talked
> to me after
> that. I was so confused....I WAS 6!!
> >
> >   I first went to a new school and was waiting at
> the bus stop
> after  school and a couple of chinese girls came up
> to me and said
> to my face  in mandarin (which i speak and
> understand) 'did her
> father get burnt in  a fire or something' and just
> bust out
> laughing. They thought i was  Malay and didn't know
> i spoke chinese,
> i looked at her and just played  along.... i asked
> her what was so
> funny and she went 'oh nothing'  looked at her
> friend and bust out
> laughing again.
> >
> >   I was buying make-up as a teenager and this lady
> came right up
> to my  face and said to the salesgirl in Chinese
> 'ewww why so dark'
> all this  with a smile on her face while she was
> looking directly at
> me because  again she had no idea i spoke chinese. I
> just smiled
> back and left.
> >
> >   This is just a few incidents i had to go
> through, there are many
> more  unfotunately, there a lot of times i wish i
> didn't speak
> anything but  english so i wouldn't get hurt all the
> time. If i say
> anything positive  about Indians... its but you're
> not really
> indian, if i say something  nice about chinese..i'm
> not really
> chinese. There are people who say i  look Nepalese
> or Bhutanese... i
> wish i were born there... but i wasn't.  I just
> don't undestand why
> some people are so cruel. They say the  meanest
> things and then just
> go on with their lives and i carry this  with me.
> Its sooooo hard.
> everytime i think i am okay with it, that i'm  over
> it someone else
> will say something callous and everything comes
> rushing back. I
> just don't know how to deal with this, that's why i
> am  here, i am
> hoping someone else knows what i am going though and
> can  just help
> me, just shed some light, help me understand why
> people are  so
> cruel and mean. I haven't done anything to deserve
> this but be alive
> >  in this world. Its like they have this insatiable
> need to put me
> in my  place. Why do i feel so persecuted? Why do i
> suffer for
> someone else's  shallowness? Why do i feel like i
> have the weight of
> the world on my  shoulders? I just want to know how
> to deal and how
> i can stop this from  happening to anyone
> else...regardless of who
> they are because its just  wrong, plain and simple.
> And no one
> should have to go through  this...  but how can i
> help anyone when i
> am so tormented myself.  So i just want to learn how
> to get through
> this without carrying this  burden around with me.
> It affects
> everything i do, how i view the  world, how i
> interact with people
> and it shouldn't. I make a point to  look at
> everyone as an
> individual and to treat them as such and i wish  i
> were given the
> same courtesy.I want to get over this, i am tired of
>  carrying this
> with me and maybe if i can find a way, i can be of
> help  to someone
> else who feels like they don't fit in anywhere. I
> just want  to let
> this
> >  all go and just be able to be myself.... to just
> live and  let
> live.
> >
> >
> > Edwin Manuel <eddiemanuel@...> wrote:          Hi
> >   I can perfectly understand ur situation. Just to
> let u know that
> I am
> >   also of mixed parentage. But I don't live in the
> country where I
> was
> >   born... I was born in Fiji bred in India and Sg.
> Many of u
> talking abt
> >   Chinese and Indian mix and am a Fiji and Indian
> mix. Me being a
> guy I
> >   might not have the same feelings as u. I am here
> for sure not to
> hurt
> >   anyone's feelings. But I believe God has given
> me the gift of
> taking
> >   things as it is and lead my life single. If any
> one of u r hurt
> let me
> >   apologize in this forum. k.
> >
> >   Do take care
> >   Eddie Manuel
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Yahoo! Mail
> > Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail  makes sharing
> a breeze.
> >
>
>
>





________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Need Mail bonding?
Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q&A for great tips from Yahoo! Answers users.
http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list&sid=396546091

Hello to everyone in the Group!

This is my 1st post here, although I've been a member for quite some
time now. It seems to be picking up quite a bit in here, so I guess I
should do my part and give a self-intro about my "colourful" heritage.

Although I am now a Singapore PR, I would say my ethnicity is Thai.

My father is a Malay Thai - like Singapore, Thailand has a mix of
dirrent races as well. This includes Malay, Chinese, Indian and Pure
Thai (or Siamese).

My mother is Pure Thai.

I was born in Malaysia, lived there for a few years, then briefly
lived in Thailand, then moved to Brunei where I spent most of my
childhood. We then migrated to Singapore and have been here ever since.

I studied at International schools, where I picked up a weird
American/English accent (which most Internation school students have).

Growing up was kind of frustrating for me as you don't really feel you
fit in anywhere.

Some people say I look Malay (because of my light tanned skin) and
they also think that I'm mixed - but usually can't quite put their
finger on which exact race it is.

I have also been mistaken for a Eurasian, Nepalese, Balinese or
Filipino before.

I can speak Thai, but other "real" Thais can tell that I definately
did not grow up in Thailand!

I used to speak a Malay/Thai dialect (similar to the Terangganu
dialect) as a child, so when I started to learn Malay in Primary
school, some of the terms/ phrases I used were deemed incorrect or
inappropriate.

I then dropped Malay and learned French as a 2nd language instead, but
decided some time later (in a feeble attempt to "get back to my
roots") to pick up Malay again in Secondary school for one semester.

However, until now my Malay is still at a "Primary school student"
level, so when I am out and about in Singapore and want to do simple
things like for example, order food from a Malay stall - if the seller
asks me too many questions, I tend to freeze up and give them a "deer
in headlights" stare :X

It can get a little embarrasing at times because they think I am Malay
and therefore should be able to speak fluent Malay.

However, there was once where someone called me "sombong" (Malay word
for "arrogant"), just because they thought that I was a Malay who
simply refused to speak Malay.

Sometimes when I mispronounce certain Malay words, it amuses other
people, but little do they realize it is rather humiliating for me :(

I get so frustrated about it sometimes that I just insist on speaking
English to them and pretend not to understand what they say to me in
Malay and let them realize that despite how I look, perhaps I am NOT
pure Malay?

But that being said, I am now trying to improve my Malay, because my
husband's family mainly speak Malay :)

Well, hope to hear more about everybody in this Group! I'm so glad
that there's such an online community for mixed babies like us! :D

PS: Sorry for the UBER long self-intro! I got caught up in the
moment...*blush*

A belated welcome to you. :-) Wow, thanks for sharing your experience
and adding to the diverse perspectives in this group!

--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Dew"
<milk_a_cat@...> wrote:
>
> Hello to everyone in the Group!
>
> This is my 1st post here, although I've been a member for quite
some
> time now. It seems to be picking up quite a bit in here, so I guess
I
> should do my part and give a self-intro about my "colourful"
heritage.
>
> Although I am now a Singapore PR, I would say my ethnicity is Thai.
>
> My father is a Malay Thai - like Singapore, Thailand has a mix of
> dirrent races as well. This includes Malay, Chinese, Indian and
Pure
> Thai (or Siamese).
>
> My mother is Pure Thai.
>
> I was born in Malaysia, lived there for a few years, then briefly
> lived in Thailand, then moved to Brunei where I spent most of my
> childhood. We then migrated to Singapore and have been here ever
since.
>
> I studied at International schools, where I picked up a weird
> American/English accent (which most Internation school students
have).
>
> Growing up was kind of frustrating for me as you don't really feel
you
> fit in anywhere.
>
> Some people say I look Malay (because of my light tanned skin) and
> they also think that I'm mixed - but usually can't quite put their
> finger on which exact race it is.
>
> I have also been mistaken for a Eurasian, Nepalese, Balinese or
> Filipino before.
>
> I can speak Thai, but other "real" Thais can tell that I definately
> did not grow up in Thailand!
>
> I used to speak a Malay/Thai dialect (similar to the Terangganu
> dialect) as a child, so when I started to learn Malay in Primary
> school, some of the terms/ phrases I used were deemed incorrect or
> inappropriate.
>
> I then dropped Malay and learned French as a 2nd language instead,
but
> decided some time later (in a feeble attempt to "get back to my
> roots") to pick up Malay again in Secondary school for one
semester.
>
> However, until now my Malay is still at a "Primary school student"
> level, so when I am out and about in Singapore and want to do
simple
> things like for example, order food from a Malay stall - if the
seller
> asks me too many questions, I tend to freeze up and give them
a "deer
> in headlights" stare :X
>
> It can get a little embarrasing at times because they think I am
Malay
> and therefore should be able to speak fluent Malay.
>
> However, there was once where someone called me "sombong" (Malay
word
> for "arrogant"), just because they thought that I was a Malay who
> simply refused to speak Malay.
>
> Sometimes when I mispronounce certain Malay words, it amuses other
> people, but little do they realize it is rather humiliating for me :
(
>
> I get so frustrated about it sometimes that I just insist on
speaking
> English to them and pretend not to understand what they say to me
in
> Malay and let them realize that despite how I look, perhaps I am
NOT
> pure Malay?
>
> But that being said, I am now trying to improve my Malay, because
my
> husband's family mainly speak Malay :)
>
> Well, hope to hear more about everybody in this Group! I'm so glad
> that there's such an online community for mixed babies like us! :D
>
> PS: Sorry for the UBER long self-intro! I got caught up in the
> moment...*blush*
>

Finally managed to get someone to put something together (image is used
with permission, of course).

Apologies for not being able to represent all the different flavors of
families here in the artwork, but maybe I can get the artist to do more
pics eventually and then I can rotate images. :-)

From Wikipedia entry on Ayodhya: (a city in Uttar Pradesh, India)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayodhya

According to an 11th century Korean chronicle the Samguk Yusa, the
wife of King Suro of the ancient Korean kingdom of Geumgwan Gaya was a
princess who travelled by boat from a faraway land called Ayuta to
Korea in 48 CE. It is commonly thought that Ayodha is the foreign land
referred to in the Korean chronicles, but some scholars believe that
the foreign land may have been Ayutthaya of Thailand. The Koreans know
the princess as Heo Hwang-ok, who was the first queen of Geumgwan Gaya
and is considered an ancestor by several Korean lineages.

We're casting pan-asian families with kids aged btw 11 to 15 n parents
aged 35 to 45 for a shoot.

casting will be frm thu 3 april 2008 to sat 5 april 2008 this wk frm
10am to 6pm at Kane Studio located at 2 kallang pudding rd #04-15
mactech ind bldg.

Interested parties, pls contact me at production@... to
arrange a time for the casting.

Thanks.

Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group name initially
and when I read the group description, I knew it was one group I want
to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends that if you put
Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix it all up,
they'll get me. Hee!

Well, take care all...

Hi Shamilah, a big welcome to the group :-)

--- In
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
<shamilah@...> wrote:
>
> Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group name
initially
> and when I read the group description, I knew it was one group I want
> to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends that if you
put
> Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix it all
up,
> they'll get me. Hee!
>
> Well, take care all...
>

Thanks! Just wondering, what exactly does this group do?
Shamilah
--- In
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
<baihe_wan@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Shamilah, a big welcome to the group :-)
>
> --- In
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> <shamilah@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group name
> initially
> > and when I read the group description, I knew it was one group I
want
> > to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends that if
you
> put
> > Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix it
all
> up,
> > they'll get me. Hee!
> >
> > Well, take care all...
> >
>

So far, we're just an online discussion group. But if anyone wants to
organize a real life get-together, it might not be a bad idea
either. :-)

--- In
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
<shamilah@...> wrote:
>
> Thanks! Just wondering, what exactly does this group do?
> Shamilah
> --- In
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
> <baihe_wan@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Shamilah, a big welcome to the group :-)
> >
> > --- In
> > SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> > <shamilah@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group name
> > initially
> > > and when I read the group description, I knew it was one group
I
> want
> > > to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends that if
> you
> > put
> > > Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix it
> all
> > up,
> > > they'll get me. Hee!
> > >
> > > Well, take care all...
> > >
> >
>

Why not! Let's do it.. :D Err..how should I address you? Baihe?
Wan? :P

--- In
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
<baihe_wan@...> wrote:
>
> So far, we're just an online discussion group. But if anyone wants
to
> organize a real life get-together, it might not be a bad idea
> either. :-)
>
> --- In
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> <shamilah@> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks! Just wondering, what exactly does this group do?
> > Shamilah
> > --- In
> >
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
> > <baihe_wan@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi Shamilah, a big welcome to the group :-)
> > >
> > > --- In
> > >
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> > > <shamilah@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group name
> > > initially
> > > > and when I read the group description, I knew it was one
group
> I
> > want
> > > > to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends that
if
> > you
> > > put
> > > > Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix
it
> > all
> > > up,
> > > > they'll get me. Hee!
> > > >
> > > > Well, take care all...
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Hi Shamilah,

You can just call me Baihe. :-)

Sorry for the late reply... haven't been online as work's been rather
busy.

I can't be part of a real life get-together, at least not right now,
as I'm currently working overseas.  But we've quite a few members -
so I'm really hoping others will support your idea.


--- In
SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
<shamilah@...> wrote:
>
> Why not! Let's do it.. :D Err..how should I address you? Baihe?
> Wan? :P
>
> --- In
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
> <baihe_wan@> wrote:
> >
> > So far, we're just an online discussion group. But if anyone
wants
> to
> > organize a real life get-together, it might not be a bad idea
> > either. :-)
> >
> > --- In
> > SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> > <shamilah@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Thanks! Just wondering, what exactly does this group do?
> > > Shamilah
> > > --- In
> > >
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "baihe_wan"
> > > <baihe_wan@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hi Shamilah, a big welcome to the group :-)
> > > >
> > > > --- In
> > > >
> SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Shamilah"
> > > > <shamilah@> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Hi, I just joined this group. :) Attracted to the group
name
> > > > initially
> > > > > and when I read the group description, I knew it was one
> group
> > I
> > > want
> > > > > to join! I am of mixed blood. I used to tell my friends
that
> if
> > > you
> > > > put
> > > > > Indian, Malay, Pakistan and Arab blood in a blender and mix
> it
> > > all
> > > > up,
> > > > > they'll get me. Hee!
> > > > >
> > > > > Well, take care all...
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Bio of a historical mixed race Asian:  (reprinted with permission)

5th century Buddhist translator Kumarajiva - a symbol of the ancient
cultural connections between Central Asia, India, and China

Kumarajiva (344-413) was born in Kucha, Central Asia to an Indian
father Kumarayana and a Kuchean mother Jiva. Kumarayana, descendant
of a line of Prime Ministers, had travelled from India to Kucha where
he entered the king's service as the royal priest. Princess Jiva,
sister of the king of Kucha, married him. Their son Kumarajiva shared
his parents' interest in religion and became a monk at age 7. Prior
to entering the monastery, the child prodigy had already memorized
many Buddhist scriptures. By the time he was 20, Kumarajiva's name
was well-known in Central Asia and China. Before Jiva left Kucha for
India, she encouraged the 20 year old Kumarajiva to go to China to
further Mahayana Buddhism. But it was not until many years later that
Kumarajiva was able to fulfil his mother's wish through a tumultous
and circuitous route.

In 379, Chinese Buddhist monks returning from a study tour of Kucha
praised the wisdom and learning of Kumarajiva before the Former Qin
king Fu Jian of the Di ethnic group. The renowned Chinese translator-
monk Dao An also urged Fu Jian to invite Kumarajiva to China. In 382,
Fu Jian's forces launched their Central Asian campaign. They had
orders to capture Kumarajiva, whose influence in Central Asia made
him a valuable political pawn.

In 384, Lu Guang, a general of Fu Jian, entered Kucha and took
captive Kumarajiva. Lu sought to make fun of the monk by forcing him
to ride on unruly beasts, amongst other acts of humiliation. But
Kumarajiva showed no anger. On the way back to China, Lu Guang set
camp in the foothills, but Kumarajiva, who had the reputation of
being a seer, warned him that this course of action would not bode
well for the soldiers; they should move camp to higher ground. Lu
disregarded the warning. During the night, torrential rains caused a
flash flood that drowned thousands of troops. From then on, Lu took
Kumarajiva's words more seriously.

When Lu's army reached Gansu, China, they received the news that
their king Fu Jian had been killed by rival king Yao Chang of the
Qiang ethnic group. Lu Guang decided to set up his own dynasty, the
Later Liang. Kumarajiva remained in Lu's custody. Yao Chang, who had
established the Later Qin Dynasty, admired the reputation of
Kumarajiva and repeatedly invited him to his court, but the Lu house
of the Later Liang Dynasty were not about to let the Kuchean sage go
to their enemy.

It was not until after the death of Lu Guang and Yao Chang that Yao
Chang's son Yao Xing was able to defeat the Liang king Lu Long and
bring Kumarajiva into China proper. By this time, the Kuchean monk
was already 58 years old. But he had made use of his time in
captivity to become fluent in Chinese.

King Yao Xing treated Kumarajiva with great honor, appointing him
Teacher of the Nation. At the king's behest, Kumarajiva (known in
Chinese as Jiumoluoshi) began his work on the translation of Buddhist
scriptures from Sanskrit to Chinese. Many accomplished Chinese
Buddhist scholar monks came to work under his direction. Jiumoluoshi
had 3000 disciples in China. There had been a few hundred
translations of Buddhist scriptures done before his time, but none
reached Kumarajiva's quality and clarity. Of the many works he
translated, the most important ones are the Wisdom Shastra, the Lotus
Sutra and the Diamond Sutra. Kumarajiva's easy-to-understand
translations survive to this day in Chinese society, taking the form
of famous quotes that even non-Buddhists have heard through exposure
to pop culture.

Kumarajiva died in Chang'an, China at age 70. He has been described
as "the first teacher of the Madhyamika doctrine in China" and
the "symbol of cultural cooperation between India, China and Central
Asia to this day."

Hello Everyone!

I'm a multiethnic doctoral student investigating the effect of multiethnicity
(identifying as one or more ethnicities) on perceived ethnic discrimination
(feeling as if one has been ethnically discriminated against). Questionnaires
for the study are currently online in English and Spanish, and may be taken
anonymously by any adult. If you or any adult you know would like to participate
in this endeavor, taking about 5-10 minutes of your time, feel free to access
and/or forward the study links below. Thank you for reading!

Respectfully,

James Eron Taylor, M.A.
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Candidate
California School of Professional Psychology
Alliant International University, Sacramento


A brief description of the study and questionnaires are located in the following
links:


English Version

http://alliant.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_b90f4ix6NoU6t2A&SVID=Prod


Spanish Version

http://alliant.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_3luZgrqNIOpfdNW&SVID=Prod

Hi everyone,

Im Yeo Eddie Aaron, im 24 this year and im a chinese-indian....  but i look
thai... nice to meet everyone!

Welcome to the group :-)

--- In SingaporeNonEurasianMixedRaceFamilies@yahoogroups.com, "Eddie"
<cyberchaser90@...> wrote:
>
> Hi everyone,
>
> Im Yeo Eddie Aaron, im 24 this year and im a chinese-indian....  but i look
thai... nice to meet everyone!
>

Or any book for that matter.

Reading about the hurtful incidents experienced by some individuals here, I had
been thinking, what if there were children's books depicting, for example,
Indian-Chinese families in a positive light?

I think increased media exposure eventually leads to wider acceptance.  Well,
Singapore might already been on the way there with interracial marriage on the
rise.  But if so, shouldn't our children's books reflect that demographic shift
too?

I'm not familiar with the children's book/young adult publishing industry in
Singapore. Would any one who has experience in the publishing industry like to
weigh in?

http://www.talkinbroadway.com/regional/minn/minn130.html

Chocolate, directed by Prachya Pinkaew,  features an autistic Thai-Japanese
heroine, Zen.

Zen's father Masashi is a yakuza leader based in Thailand; her mother Zin is a
high-ranking member of a Thai gang.  The two become acquainted during a
confrontation between the Thai gang and the Japanese gang over turf.

Masashi becomes fascinated with the formidable, dangerous Zin, and the two start
a romance.  Zin's gang boss strongly disapproves of the relationship, resulting
in Zin's decision to stop seeing Masashi. Masashi returns to Japan without
knowing of the daughter he left behind.

The autistic Zen is raised by her mother Zin. She shows a strong talent for the
martial arts, and eventually grows to become a challenge for her mother's former
gang colleagues when she starts trying to collect on debts owed her mother.  As
the conflict between Zen and the Thai underground becomes more dangerous,   Zin
attempts to get news to Zen's father despite her former gang's strong arm
tactics to prevent contact between the two...